Why Some Conversations Are Hard – And How We Create a Tribe Where Everyone Belongs

In our last blog, we explored the role of conversation and the power of noticing in forming deeper connections. Sometimes however, even when we’re trying to connect, conversations don’t flow. Something feels stuck. We misread each other, or worse—we feel judged, defensive, unseen.

Why does this happen?

🧠 Identity Threat and the Walls We Build

Difficult conversations often trigger something called identity threat. It’s that moment when we feel like who we are is being questioned—or might not be accepted.

Charles Duhigg writes that when people feel their identity is under attack (even subtly), they shut down. They defend. They perform. And real connection becomes impossible.

That’s where ego sneaks in—not as arrogance, but as armour.

🛡️ The Problem With Ego

Ego isn’t just about boasting. It’s the part of us that wants to protect our image, status, or control. And while it can serve us in high-stakes moments, it blocks the openness and vulnerability that connection requires.

At Habitus, we believe the tribe is bigger than any individual. That’s the antidote to ego.

When you know you’re part of something meaningful—bigger than your identity, background, status, or ability—you don’t have to protect yourself. You just have to show up.

🤝 A Tribe of Belonging

If you’re reading this, it probably means you care—not just about your own health and wellbeing, but about something bigger. You want to move more, feel better, try new things, and maybe even connect with people doing the same.

That’s what Habitus is for.

But Habitus isn’t just about sport or self-improvement. It’s about belonging—to a tribe of people who are curious, open, and committed to growing together. People who are done with “going it alone” and want to live, learn, and give in community.

We’re at the very beginning of that journey. And we’d love you to help shape it.

A tribe isn’t a club with a dress code or a social scene. It’s a group bound together by shared values—shared movement, shared effort, and shared support.

New Zealand offers a beautiful example of this. Across the country, people of all backgrounds—Māori and non-Māori alike—find strength in the cultural values that bind them: whanaungatanga (connection), manaakitanga (kindness), and kaitiakitanga (care for people and place). These aren’t just traditions. They’re touchstones. A shared language for what it means to belong.

Habitus is a tribe like that, too. One built not on background or ability, but on:

• Low ego, high empathy

• Shared goals:

  • to learn and try new things

  • To do hard, joyful, meaningful things together

  • To give to others

  • And to share our stories, struggles, and progress

• A belief that everyone has something to learn, and something to offer

  
  

You don’t have to fit in. You just have to belong.

We don’t come together to prove ourselves. We come together to be ourselves—and become more than we could alone.

❤️ The Greatest Predictor of Long and Happy Lives

Decades of research—including the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development—reaches the same conclusion:

The strongest predictor of happiness and long life isn’t wealth, or success, or even health. It’s love.

Not just romantic love. But the love we build through friendship, community, shared experiences, and mutual care.

That’s what we’re building here.

And it starts with one person asking another:

“What brought you here today?”

In a world that often pushes us to stand out, Habitus is a place to stand together.

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, a weekend warrior or a beginner, a social butterfly or still finding your wings—you belong here.

This tribe is for you. This tribe is for all of us. Let’s build it—one connection at a time.